Busy Parents Quick Guide to: The Whole Brain Child

by Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Bryson

Help your child deal with their experiences in a constructive way:

·  Dealing with experiences is a central aspect of parenting, but that doesn’t mean you should protect your child from difficult experiences. Rather, it is a parent’s job to make sure their child uses their entire brain when dealing with everything that happens, regardless of whether it’s enjoyable or painful.

·  The key idea here is integration. The brain has lots of different parts –and for a child to thrive, these parts need to work in harmony to tackle whatever comes their way. 

·  It is important to know your role as a parent and that you are a model/guide for your child. If you use your whole brain, your child will emulate you. For example, when your child throws a tantrum, instead of losing your temper or becoming cold and detached, use your empathy to connect with your child and learn what’s bothering him while using the other parts of your brain to keep your anger under control. 

Techniques to help you and your child navigate experiences:

·  Connect and then Redirect:  Event: Tantrum/Emotional Dysregulation 

o  Stay calm, avoid losing your temper – validate the child’s experience showing understanding. Show curiosity and use words to reflect to them what they are experiencing. Then when they are calm redirect to a new activity. 

o  For older children – acknowledge their feelings and encourage them to move their bodies. Run around the block, jumping jacks 

·  Name it to Tame it – help your child tell the story of what is upsetting Them. Make it a habit to acknowledge feelings. 

·  Integrating upstairs and downstairs parts of the brain – Engage don’t enrage, use upstairs (consider, plan and chose). Avoid power struggles (save your no, for when you need it). 

·  Use it or lose it – provide opportunities for your child to use their upstairs brain, integrate with the downstairs and the body. Give them options to help the build confidence with their decision-making capabilities for example, Milk or water? Why does the girl look sad?

o  Regain balance – help him move body – first acknowledge feelings, follow leader, race to bedroom.

·  Use the remote of the mind – Encourage your child to talk about difficult experiences to help them process a difficult event or experience. Story telling produces understanding, healing and integration. Give the child full control of how the story is told. Allow the child to tell the story with a remote, pause, play, fast forward. 

·  Remember to Remember – Ask your child to return to the details of their day. Helps to strengthen an integrated memory system.

·  Let the Clouds of Emotion Roll by – feelings come and go, fear, frustration and loneliness are temporary states that usually last a few seconds. Allow your child to acknowledge and provide comfort that how they feel now is okay but that they may feel different later.

·  Exercise Mindsight – Allow opportunities for children calm themselves – use buddy breathing – and allow them to notice how it feels to be still, quiet and peaceful.

·  Increase family fun factor – play with children, tickle, play at park, roll the ball, creates positive expectations about love and what it means to be in relationship

·  Connect through conflict – help her express how she feels and how the other child might feel, help transition into a different activity they might enjoy.