Emotional Regulation & Aging
Emotional Regulation and Aging: Navigating Big Feelings Across Life
Managing emotions can be challenging at any age, but as we age, our approach to handling stress, frustration, and change can shift in surprising ways. Emotional regulation is not just about keeping calm; it’s about understanding our feelings, responding in healthy ways, and building strategies that work for our unique brains. This is true for neurotypical adults and especially for autistic or ADHD adults.
How Aging Can Change Emotional Regulation
Research indicates that many adults actually become better at managing emotions as they age. Older adults often experience fewer mood swings, stress less about small things, and focus more on what truly matters in life (Charles & Carstensen, 2010). Some even notice that they are more patient and can let go of minor frustrations more easily (Carstensen et al., 2011).
This shift, sometimes called the “positivity effect,” means older adults naturally pay more attention to positive experiences and less to negative ones. It’s not universal, but it highlights how life experience can support emotional resilience (Reed & Carstensen, 2012).
Emotional Regulation for Neurodivergent Adults
For autistic adults, emotional regulation can be more complex. Sensory sensitivities, executive function challenges, and fluctuations in energy levels can make it more difficult to manage stress as we age (Mason et al., 2019). Life transitions, health changes, and social expectations may trigger stronger emotional responses than before. The good news is that many autistic adults develop better coping strategies over time, including self-acceptance and tools for creating supportive environments.
Adults with ADHD face similar challenges. While hyperactivity may decrease with age, attention, impulsivity, and emotional regulation difficulties often persist (Kooij et al., 2019). Older adults with ADHD may find transitions like retirement or health changes particularly stressful. At the same time, many develop routines, mindfulness practices, or rely on support networks that help them navigate big emotions more successfully.
Strategies to Support Emotional Regulation
No matter your age or neurotype, there are practical ways to support emotional regulation:
● Create routines: Regular daily structures help reduce stress and uncertainty.
● Build supportive networks: Friends, family, or peer groups can provide stability and encouragement.
● Use sensory tools: For autistic adults, weighted blankets, calming lights, or quiet spaces can help manage overwhelming feelings.
● Practice mindfulness or self-reflection: Paying attention to emotions without judgment can improve awareness and response.
● Adjust expectations: Recognize that your needs may be different from others, and advocating for accommodations is healthy.
Supporting neurodivergent adults, or even just aging adults in general, is not about “fixing” them. It’s about understanding how their brains experience the world and offering tools, understanding, and patience.
The Takeaway
Aging doesn’t just bring challenges. It can bring wisdom, self-acceptance, and emotional strength. Neurodivergent adults may face unique hurdles in regulating emotions, but with the right strategies and support, it’s possible to navigate life’s big feelings with confidence and resilience. Emotional regulation is a lifelong journey, and every adult, neurotypical or neurodivergent, can benefit from understanding how their emotions evolve and learning ways to support them.
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References
Carstensen, L. L., Turan, B., Scheibe, S., Ram, N., Ersner-Hershfield, H., Samanez-Larkin, G. R., & Nesselroade, J. R. (2011). Emotional experience improves with age: Evidence based on over 10 years of experience sampling. Psychology and Aging, 26(1), 21–33. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0021285
Charles, S. T., & Carstensen, L. L. (2010). Social and emotional aging. Annual Review of Psychology, 61, 383–409. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.093008.100448
Kooij, J. J. S., Bijlenga, D., Salerno, L., Jaeschke, R., Bitter, I., Balázs, J., & Asherson, P. (2019). Updated European Consensus Statement on diagnosis and treatment of adult ADHD. European Psychiatry, 56, 14–34. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eurpsy.2018.11.001
Mason, D., McConachie, H., Garland, D., Petrou, A., Rodgers, J., & Parr, J. R. (2019). Predictors of quality of life for autistic adults. Autism Research, 12(3), 463–473. https://doi.org/10.1002/aur.2071